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Your tag line can be clever or descriptive of you. There are a number of ways to be inspired and I suggest being thought provoking and/or different. Many people use quotes, a line from a movie, a line from a song; however, if you like it, many others will as well. Try for unique as you will stand out. Your tagline It needs to be positive, upbeat and enticing.
Whatever you do, don’t be negative i.e. “Lonely Heart Seeks”, or “Desperately in need of”. Strive for originality. Opening lines such as “Looking for my Soulmate” or “Hey Sexy” or even better "I work hard, and play harder", or “I might be the one you are looking for” are far too common and give a bad first impression. While you can be ‘seductive’ don’t go for racy (racy can be appropriate on ‘adult’ dating sites).
- “If love is the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.” ~ Entertaining
- “I’m sorry, Mr. Right could not make it, I’ll be covering for him this evening.” ~ Humorous
- “Looking for a soft warm breeze to blow the clouds away.” ~ Romantic
- “If you were a cookie, what kind would you be?” – Inquisitive
- “Gourmet wants to cook – what is up to you!” ~ Witty
Think of your opening line as bait — now you can go fish.
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This is one of the most popular questions we get, and one of the hardest ones to answer. For indepth relationship advice, you may wany to refer to a relationship expert. It is this author’s opinion that finding Mr. /Ms. Right implies you are looking for a permanent relationship. You have to decide if you are really ready for one? If so, read on. If not, then re-evaluate your relationship goals.
Things to think about are:
- Are you truly happy in your own skin ~ do you love yourself?
- Have you dealt with your own baggage ~ are you looking for someone to compliment your life, versus someone to fix your life?
- Do you know what you want in an ideal partner?
- Do you know why you want to be in a permanent relationship?
- Are you willing to put in the time and effort a relationship requires?
Please be totally honest with yourself – it is your life and you deserve to be happy – but without clear goals, you can end up drifting and meeting the wrong people.
A short interjection, even if you have a list of what you want in a partner, sometimes the universe will provide you with what you “need” versus what you “want”. Be open to these opportunities and seize them as they can become the most fascinating journey.
Hundreds of marriages are held every day from people who have met on an online dating site. The world on online dating is attracting millions of people. You have the potential of meeting someone that you would have never come across in your daily life so your odds of meeting the "one" has grown exponentially. Let us help you realize your dream and take a look at our recommended online dating sites.
Quick Links: American Singles | Chemistry.com | CupidMedia | | Date.ca | Date.com | Friendfinder | Gay.com | LavaLife | LavaLife Prime | MatchMaker | Perfect Match | Pink.com | Yahoo Personals
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Ok, I know that inner beauty shines through and one should not judge another person on their appearance; but you know what, no matter how enlightened I like to believe I am – the fact is, if I see a profile without a picture, I’m wondering what the person is hiding. Somehow, I don’t think I’m the only one.
Today there is no excuse not to have a digital photo or two. A good profile picture will result in at least 15% higher response rate than profiles without a picture. While I would recommend treating yourself and getting a photographer that specializes in dating portraits as they use the right poses and lighting to make you look your best. I understand that you may not want to do this. In which case take the time and have a friend shoot some pictures, or if you are good with your digital camera – take them yourself. Here are some tips:
Do
- Smile – it tells people so much about you. Besides it adds that twinkle in your eye and a smile is so much more inviting.
- Take pictures in bright clean lighting, otherwise they can be fuzzy.
- Get a clear close-up and a clear full body shot. You don’t want people wondering who that person 20 feet really is.
- If you have any skill at photo retouching – do it! There is nothing wrong with removing that blemish; seriously, you won’t have it when you meet.
Don’t
- Post a picture with a group of people, your children, your pets. The pet pictures (if you think they are really necessary) can be in the additional photo gallery provided by most online dating sites. Posting pictures of your children is just bad practice and with a group of people – who is going to know which one you are.
- Post party pictures, they leave the impression that all you do is party.
- Take a picture with your webcam; they turn out to be dark and grainy.
- Post an old picture of yourself – this is considered deceitful.
- Post silly pictures of yourself. You may have a great sense of humour, but no one knows that yet. Silly poses come across as “odd”.
- Touch up your photo so much that you’ve shaved off 30 lbs – you’ll be found out.
- Post risqué pictures unless it is on an adult/intimate dating site. In which case pictures of your intimate parts are not that interesting – seriously after awhile, they all begin to look the same. Try showing all of you, not just the ‘bits’.
In some cases posting a picture upfront may cause issues due to a sensitive career. such as the military. In that case many dating sites have ‘behind the scenes’ photo galleries. Ask the person you are interested in to share his/her photo and explain that you will do the same, once you see their photo. You should also explain ‘why’.
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Woo-Hoo – your “Meet & Greet” went well – you’ve talked online, perhaps on the phone since then, and now you are going on your first date. Enjoy those feelings of excitement and that little nervousness – they are awesome.
While either party can suggest the first date, the person asking should be prepared to pay for the date, (unless you’ve agreed to another arrangement). This is pretty universal regardless of the “type” of relationship – the person asking pays.
In “straight” relationships – we still like the guys to ask us….sorry guys, it is traditional and some of us like those traditions, makes us feel all warm and gooey inside.
Whoever is suggesting the date, they need to have a good idea of what that date is going to comprise of. You’ve been corresponding for awhile now, you’ve met, so you should have a good idea what the other person would like. Your date does not have to be expensive, just memorable. Make sure you do something that allows you to get to know each other. Bars, concerts, even the movies are not great, because they are loud and distracting. A lot will depend on the season, but try:
The park/beach to gaze at the stars. If you really want to impress try bringing wine and desert, oh - don’t forget the blanket.
Picnic – it shows that you are a romantic. Remember the wine, a scrumptious feast, the blanket, plates, etc. If you can’t cook – go to your local gourmet store or restaurant – tell them what you are planning – they love to help.
Dinner in a funky bistro with a walk afterwards. This is more casual than a five star restaurant and gives you a lot to chat about i.e. the menu, perhaps travel, etc. Have some romantic spots picked out in the area to walk to afterwards – could be a roof top terrace, or perhaps a swing at the local park, a favourite park bench.
Street fair, festival, concert in the park. This works out great as you can people watch at the same time, tons of conversation potential.
Indoor gardens with dinner or coffee afterwards. The smells, textures will be relaxing and you can both breathe a little easier.
You get the idea –keep in mind that you’ve had the Meet & Greet, now it is time to see if the chemistry is really there. Again, this does not have to be a huge expense, but it should be memorable. For more information, check out our romance section.
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OMG we’ve all had them that horrible Meet & Greet – notice I don’t say first date. When you arrange a “Meet & Greet” be clear and define what you mean. Here is how that online conversation can go:
Potential 1 ~ so would you like to go out on a date?
Potential 2 ~ no, but I would be interested in a “Meet & Greet”.
Potential 1 ~ is that not the same thing?
Potential 2 ~ no, actually for me it is quite different. A “Meet & Greet” is a CASUAL meeting between two people who have been corresponding online. We meet as friends, for lunch, coffee or desert. A date, implies a romantic connection and that may certainly may follow ~ but initially I would rather meet as friends.
Potential 1 ~ I didn’t realize there was a difference, but I’m cool with that. So, want to “Meet and Greet”?
Potential 2 ~ Would love to 
Quick Interjection - I hate to say this, but I generally know within the first 5 minutes of meeting someone whether there is any romantic potential or not. You can let the person know this ahead of time and set a mutal 5 minute signal, this has worked really well for a number of readers. Personally, I have been in a "Meet & Greet where we both immediately agreed that there is no romantic chemistry, laughed about it and become great friends instead.
Trying to find a partner means you are going to go on a lot of dates. There are going to be times you are plain bored, other times you just won’t understand why the chemistry is so different in person than it was online – it happens. Now that we have that cleared up – onwards and upwards – how do you get out of a bad “Meet and Greet” otherwise defined by some as a “first date”?
There are a number of different scenarios here:
There are times that either the timing is wrong, or the location sucks. If this is why you are thinking of escaping, think about why you are not enjoying yourself – does it look like it is a case of nerves on either part? If this is the case talk about it, let the other person know how you are feeling, it will help both of you relax. If it is the location – try going somewhere else.
Is it that the person has misrepresented themselves (lied) i.e. the picture they posted is 10 years old and 50 pounds lighter? You are well within your rights to end it on the spot. Let the person know that you are looking for someone who is honest.
The person is loud, obnoxious, disrespectful or nasty leave immediately – you don’t need to explain yourself, chances are it will fall on deaf ears.
If the person was honest in their profile, but you don’t care for them – try to finish your coffee, desert or lunch (can be done within a half hour). Seriously, they’ve not done anything wrong, and besides they made the effort to meet you. At the end, be honest and say that it was nice to meet them; however, you don’t believe you have enough in common to go forward. If they ask why, deflect the question as your answers could be hurtful. If you are not comfortable doing this in person, send them an email that day. Do not lead the person on, and don’t say that you want to be friends unless you truly believe you could be.
Avoid the “fake” emergency phone call, illness, or work excuse. If you use these, you are telling the person that you are not honest ~ no one fell of the turnip truck yesterday.
Ladies — having someone call you to ensure everything is ok – is good. Thank the person calling and assure them you’ll call when you get home. Explain to the guy that was your check in call – they’ll understand and respect the fact that you take your safety seriously.
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Now don’t get me wrong – there are those that are going to fib, or outright mislead you online. Women from foreign countries asking for money; people who fib about their age, weight, occupation, or marital status. However, there are many more people who are straight up – why, because you just might meet. Just think about all the success stories you’ve heard about – 100’s of people get married every day and they met online.
I strongly recommend emailing/chatting with the person online for a week if not more. The scammers out there generally start to lose interest when they have to put in an effort corresponding with you ;hence the reason you should take the time to get to know them before meeting. Someone interested in you is going to make the time to talk. There are a number of services that offer background checks, we are busy evaluating them and will post them under additional services asap.
The following are some common sense guidelines for you to follow:
Create an anonymous email address through hotmail or Gmail or yahoo. Your dating site user name is generally handy.
Choose a reputable dating site. There are some dating sites that are totally free; however, if you are serious about meeting someone, then I can honestly say that it pays to buy a membership. Free dating sites generally draw a lesser quality crowd than premium sites. Individuals who can’t afford to pay or those who are “just seeing what is out there” tend to use free sites.
Do not give out personal information such as your ‘full’ name, address, where you work, or your telephone number. Your first name is fine, the area of town you are in is fine, and once you’ve chatted for awhile, your cell phone number. Do not give your home number as they can find out your address within 20 seconds online.
Do not ever, ever send money to someone!
Trust your intuition – if you don’t feel right about someone, stop corresponding with them and don’t meet them.
It is up to you when you are ready to meet. Don’t fall for the “I don’t type well let’s just meet". Once you’ve chatted for awhile arrange a “Meet & Greet”. This should be in a public place where there are other people such as a restaurant, coffee shop, etc. You should take your own transportation to the agreed upon location. If something does not feel right when you meet them, excuse yourself and leave.
Always tell a friend or family member where you are going and that you will call them when you are home. Take your cell phone and have them call you to see how things are going.
When the Meet & Greet is finished, take your own transportation home. You might want to go to another public place or store on your way home.
Avoid going for drinks on a Meet & Greet and your first date. Alcohol lowers inhibitions and you may not be as careful as you should be.
Do not take “them” home. Remember, you don’t know this person yet. If you hit it off, arrange your first date or second date, again, meeting them at the agreed upon location.
Enjoy your Meet & Greet and your online dating experiences. Those feelings of being thrilled and excited are fantastic - we just want you to play it safe to ensure you can enjoy yourself.
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So, you have a great nickname, a wonderful yet endearing opening line now you need to keep their attention and build their curiosity about you. The words you choose to describe yourself and what you are looking for matter! They are incredibly powerful and can convey so much about you as a person. Pay attention to the way they are strung, the many meanings they contain, be careful with the words that you choose, especially when describing your ideal mate, they have the potential to alienate people - to avoid this try being realistic.
I’ve found that often, either there is very little in the profile, or it reads something to the effect:
- “Hmmm don’t know what to say…but they are making me type 250 characters.”
- “Well, I’ll give this another try. Just looking for some fun on those lonely nights. Am a good looking normal guy just don’t want anything serious right now.”
- “ I think this whole online dating thing is really weird….
Guess what – no one likes to read how hard it is to write a profile or how difficult finding a mate can be. Tell people something about yourself. What makes you laugh, what are your passions, your strengths? There are a number of perspectives here – how about writing your profile as if you were a pet waiting to be adopted? Start thinking outside the box – I promise it will pay off.
I cannot stress enough, how important it is to be honest. Yes, certainly use adjectives to describe yourself, but do not lie. Height is height, age is age and weight is weight. If you hope to meet someone then do not mislead them. Your online rapport will not detract from the fact that your picture is ten years out of date and you are not who you described yourself as. If you don’t fall into one of the body type descriptions on the site, then take the time to explain: For example:
- “I am not athletic, nor slim ~ but in today’s standards I am certainly not average. I am slim yet curvy so think “Betty Boop” or “Marilyn Monroe”, and you’ll get the picture.
Tell people what is important to you; state what you are looking for. Be as clear as you can as this is where the weeding out process begins. Say what type of relationship you are looking for as well (dating, long term relationship, an activity partner). This allows other to know what you want and whether or not they meet your criteria. What characteristics are important to you physically, emotionally, and mentally? Be realistic, but ideally what would your partner be like? Here are a couple great examples:
“She would be my sweetheart, confidante and best friend. Sensuous, funny, positive, independent yet an incurable romantic. She loves her man and is satisfied that he would be her visible and invisible shield, totally supportive of her choices and having enough confidence in her to totally set her free.”
“He lives his life honesty and with integrity - knows what he wants and has managed to get it. You are attractive (to me), romantic, have old-fashioned charm; know how to treat a lady in public and a woman in private. In turn I’ll do the same.”
Take the time to check your spelling and grammar. Depending on whom you are trying to attract, be warned that they may judge you either consciously or unconsciously on your grammar as it is a pretty good IQ filter. Don’t string a long list of adjectives and call it a sentence. Make sure you capitalize the first word in a sentence and end it with punctuation. I suggest writing your profile in a word processing application first; run spell check, make corrections and copy the text into your profile. You can break a few of the rules to suit your style, just make sure that the person can tell the difference between your conversational tone and bad grammar.
Invite conversation by ending your profile with a question. For example:
"If you want to get to know me better, let me know what would be the perfect first date for you and why?"
Here is the full example of the profile I’ve been quoting from:
———————————————————————————
User Name: LVIT2F8
Tag Line: I run with scissors ~ do you?
I am 5’8”, slender, and have green eyes. Since I don’t believe I fit into the “body types” listed on the site, you need to know that “I am not athletic, nor slim ~ but in today’s standards I am certainly not average. I am slender yet curvy so think “Betty Boop” or “Marilyn Monroe”, and you’ll get the picture. I’m also intelligent, confident, independent, positive, facetious, successful, naughty and nice – in essence totally happy in my own skin. I like pushing the limit and do so on a number of fronts – why…cause I can, and it is just fun.
I enjoy the finer things (travelling to Europe and all points after that) and yet the simple things in life (sitting on the garage roof and watching a storm blow in). My ideal partner likes to explore the world of wine, can discuss anything from world events, spirituality, and the best spot in world to see (to them). I’m looking for a guy that is confident in himself, and knows that life it to be enjoyed (it is not dull and mundane), and has a sense of humor.
He lives his life honesty and with integrity - knows what he wants and has managed to get it. You are attractive, romantic, have old-fashioned charm, know how to treat a lady in public and a woman in private. In turn I’ll do the same.
I’m not into playing games (head games that is); however I am certainly into being pursued…the chase is awesome and should not be mistaken as a ‘game’, but rather just simple adult play - the sandbox is awesome and the sun is warm… Hmmm you like public displays of affection because when I’m interested – I show it. Do I care what the world thinks…not so much…
Oh, and just as an aside, I’m looking for someone who understands that sensuality is part of who we are and eroticism is part of being; however, this same person, knows that the mind is the ultimate erogenous zone. Looking for that wow factor in a partner– you have to know how to play on a number of levels.
If you want to get to know me better, let me know what your favorite cookie is and why?
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THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
Your user name is also known as your nickname, your online name, your handle. I can’t say it enough; your user name, your tag line and your picture are what you are going to be judged on, so you have to give this some attention. Your name tells the world how you should be viewed.
It is amazing how many online nicknames are generic at best, and unappealing at the worst. Give some serious thought to who you are going to be online. What do you want to portray?
Think about:
Who do you want to attract – who is he or she?
Is “the guy” a high powered business man or a cowboy?
Is the “gal” an adventurer who wants to live out of a suitcase or the girl next door?
What your name says about you:
If you call yourself “Cool Dad”, — “Ms. Uptown” is probably going to pass you over. She does not know that you’ve been looking for someone to bring out the metro sexual in you.
How about “NeverEnough”, — if you are in the market for a nice guy your nickname implies a few negatives, such as never enough….attention, money, men?
Sure, there are a few names that are going to attract some immediate attention, such as “SexyGirl4U”, or “FantasyMaker” but they would imply a booty call versus a relationship. (If a booty call is what you want, then feel free to use these names).
What should you call yourself?
Make a list of what makes you tick. If that does not work for you, then try looking up vanity license plates, they tend to be memorable. Write down what describes you best, or what are you proud of?
Here are some good examples, and some not so good examples:
LVIT2F8 (clever) - This individual obviously wants the person to think about the nickname. Here is a hint – it is similar to a vanity plate – “Leave It to Fate”.
Creative Mind (intellectual) - This person wants you to know that he/she is creative. Might leave you guessing as to what they are creative about.
Star Traveler (not bad) - This individual could be talking about an interest in the stars, or be a romantic at heart, makes you wonder.
Harley Guy # (not great) - Ok, so you like Harleys, you and around 2 million other men. Knight Rider would imply much more about you and add a soft touch.
Temp Ad # (horrible) - There are literally thousands of people with the nickname. This says nothing about you and it shows a lack of interest in being on the site.
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First Contact
Whether you are composing that first email or instant message, a little trepidation may set in – oh god, what if they think I’m a dork, or I don’t know what to say. What if they don’t answer? So, let’s take those feelings one by one.
What if they think I’m a dork?
So what, you’ve not met, you are just ‘interested’ at this point – if they don’t respond or are rude – do you really want to get to know them? I say NOT!
I don’t know what to say – try starting with:
- Hello, my name is… simple thus far no?
- Find something in their profile that caught your eye and mention it, or question it. Here are some opening examples:
- I read that you love to travel, what was your favourite spot, and why?
- Offer a sincere compliment – such as, I could not help but notice that you have eyes that pierce the soul, or that is a beautiful smile.
- Ask their opinion – I’ve only been on the site for a few days, are there any tips you care to share?
What if they don’t answer?
If you are instant messaging, it maybe that they are not at their computer, or they are chatting with one or more people, be patient. If you try a few times and no response, then they are not interested in chatting with you. If you have sent them an email and they don’t answer, chances are they have decided you are not what they are looking for. Not responding is perfectly acceptable. Frankly it works both ways – I’d prefer no response to “I’ve read your profile and am not interested. "
Tips:
Unless you are on an adult/intimate site – do not start talking about sex, or what you would like to do to them. Actually even if you are on an adult/intimate site, try being polite and starting a normal conversation first.
Sometimes being a little corny is endearing and will catch someone’s attention. If it is natural for you, then do it.
I’ve written my fair share of introductory emails and usually ended them with a question ~ the answers are exceptionally insightful – and it get’s the person interested/engaged. Here are a few you can use:
- Here is a question for you… if you dare
- If you were a cookie, what type would you be and why?
- If you were a bug, what type would you be and why?
- Is there one place in the world you feel most at home, why?
- What is your favourite car, and why?
- If you could be anywhere for a holiday, where would you be and why?
- Who was the most important influence in your life, and why?
- Who is your favourite historical figure, and why?
- How has online dating treated you so far? Explain…
- Your profile caught my attention, especially xxx, can you explain further?
- What is your favourite candy ~ and what does it do for you?
- What is your favourite piece of clothing ~ how does it make you feel?
- If you were planning a romantic evening for that someone special, what would you do?
- If you were a book, what genre would you be and why?
You get the idea, be original, engaging and even offer a bit of a challenge (nicely of course). If nothing else you are going to make them curious about you, and that is a very good thing as you’ll stand out from 95% of the other online daters out there. Relax and have some fun!
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