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First Contact
Whether you are composing that first email or instant message, a little trepidation may set in – oh god, what if they think I’m a dork, or I don’t know what to say. What if they don’t answer? So, let’s take those feelings one by one.
What if they think I’m a dork?
So what, you’ve not met, you are just ‘interested’ at this point – if they don’t respond or are rude – do you really want to get to know them? I say NOT!
I don’t know what to say – try starting with:
- Hello, my name is… simple thus far no?
- Find something in their profile that caught your eye and mention it, or question it. Here are some opening examples:
- I read that you love to travel, what was your favourite spot, and why?
- Offer a sincere compliment – such as, I could not help but notice that you have eyes that pierce the soul, or that is a beautiful smile.
- Ask their opinion – I’ve only been on the site for a few days, are there any tips you care to share?
What if they don’t answer?
If you are instant messaging, it maybe that they are not at their computer, or they are chatting with one or more people, be patient. If you try a few times and no response, then they are not interested in chatting with you. If you have sent them an email and they don’t answer, chances are they have decided you are not what they are looking for. Not responding is perfectly acceptable. Frankly it works both ways – I’d prefer no response to “I’ve read your profile and am not interested. "
Tips:
Unless you are on an adult/intimate site – do not start talking about sex, or what you would like to do to them. Actually even if you are on an adult/intimate site, try being polite and starting a normal conversation first.
Sometimes being a little corny is endearing and will catch someone’s attention. If it is natural for you, then do it.
I’ve written my fair share of introductory emails and usually ended them with a question ~ the answers are exceptionally insightful – and it get’s the person interested/engaged. Here are a few you can use:
- Here is a question for you… if you dare
- If you were a cookie, what type would you be and why?
- If you were a bug, what type would you be and why?
- Is there one place in the world you feel most at home, why?
- What is your favourite car, and why?
- If you could be anywhere for a holiday, where would you be and why?
- Who was the most important influence in your life, and why?
- Who is your favourite historical figure, and why?
- How has online dating treated you so far? Explain…
- Your profile caught my attention, especially xxx, can you explain further?
- What is your favourite candy ~ and what does it do for you?
- What is your favourite piece of clothing ~ how does it make you feel?
- If you were planning a romantic evening for that someone special, what would you do?
- If you were a book, what genre would you be and why?
You get the idea, be original, engaging and even offer a bit of a challenge (nicely of course). If nothing else you are going to make them curious about you, and that is a very good thing as you’ll stand out from 95% of the other online daters out there. Relax and have some fun!
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